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Friday, July 29, 2011

Western Annihilation Days 15-16: 2-Bit Madness

“Hey baby, I hear the blues a callin’, tossed salad and scrambled eggs.” – The intro to Frasier

Fatality set at the 2-bit Saloon
Our first American show was in Seattle at an awesome dive named the 2-bit Saloon. It was a western themed bar in downtown. The kind of place where you can almost smell the blood and vomit on the walls from the night before. It was a great room. There was a bar on one side of a wall and an awesome stage and dance floor in the next room. It is amazing how courteous everyone has been to us as soon as we got into the States. We met up with Zack from Skelator who booked the show. As soon as we arrived he had pizza and beer waiting for us. So we sat in the van and shot the shit and ate a ton. Skeletor was the first band up. American metal bands truly rule. Each one of them seems very professional and well rehearsed.

Canadian pizza in Seattle! EH!
After those dudes we got up on stage. The first thing I noticed was 2 signs on either sides of the stage that said in big letters “BANDS MUST NOT DRINK WHILE ON STAGE. IT’S THE LAW.” It was a pretty hip bar so at first I thought it was satirical. You know, like when you see a fella with a shirt that says “pants” on it. What the hell is that all about, anyways? I continued to read the rest of it, and it explained that in the state of Washington it is actually against the law to drink while working, and because we are being paid by the venue, we couldn’t drink either. What kind of boring shit soccer mom came up with this crummy law? I guarantee it all started with a snooty letter.

“Dear 2 Bit Saloon. Last Wednesday I took my niece Sandy-Sue out in our fair Seattle and decided to see the group Ronnie Rollback and the Texas Rimjobs, and was devastated to find out that the singer appeared to be intoxicated and he also used the C word gratuitously. We were in the market for family entertainment and what we got is Bologna! I would like my 5 dollars refunded as well as the money that I spent on 2 virgin banana-ramma daqueries. I am miffed to put it bluntly. (excuse my language).


Boring White Lady”

Seattle's famous "Space Needle"
Yes lady. He was drunk. He isn’t a brain surgeon, he wasn’t operating heavy machinery, He was playing a Saloon on a Wednesday for a bunch of other drunks. The mediocrity that we as a society put up with is astounding. Normally I am not a political person, because I don’t feel my way of life is too compromised for the most part. I don’t think I have enough money or property to be too pissed off at this point in my life. But I got to say I was a bit irritated even though I still drank a few on stage that night. Its not like I was planning on getting black out drunk, but I do enjoy having a few beers while I’m performing because it goes good with heavy metal. Plus, I am an adult and should decide when I am being appropriate or not. And if it is family entertainment you are after, why don’t you go see a hypnotist you boring big-titted baboon?

It seems like in our culture the people who get their voices heard are the people who I don’t connect with in the least.

The show went amazing and we seemed to really connect. I feel like I am finally coming into myself as a front man. Nothing gives me the heebie-jeebies more then a band who just stares at each other in between songs. There is an awkward feeling that you can almost hold onto. So I always stress a live show that is laid back, impulsive, engaging and completely chaotic, but I still always want to be in control of the presentation and situation.

Eytan and Suarez in front of Kelly's in Portland
Portland last night was kick ass. We played with 3 stellar local acts at a place called Kelly’s Olympian, which is a great rock bar with a crazy history. Its one of those good old bars that has been around since the late 1800s that used to be a hooch parlor during the prohibition. The kind of place where men would go, get there shoes shined, get black out drunk on bootlegged booze and exclude women from voting.

I am all for equal rights but we had things pretty good back that, am I right fellas? Other than the wide spread poverty and possible death by the hand of the common cold. And what did people masturbate to back then? Think about it. We may be able to get access to whatever porn we could ever imagine with the click of a mouse, but just 30 years ago people would either find porn in the fucking forest somehow, or shamelessly wank to national geographic Ethiopian pancake boob. Furthermore, do you think that cavemen used to pull their garbage to naked lady drawings on the wall of a cave? I think you can monitor how technology is progressing by how easy it is to access pornography, you know?

Excruciator breakfast!
Portland was a great gig. I was really hyped that Phil Zeller from Toxic Holocaust and Rammer came and checked us out. He is apparently an old Toronto boy but moved to Portland. We had a great time in Portland with the guys from Excruciator too. They let us stay at their apartment. They also bought us some cereal and some orange juice for breakfast and let us hang out even though they all had to go to work in the morning. Class act. The kindness of American metal bands is just astounding.

God bless America!

-Spencer LeVon

Skelator at the 2-bit

Inside Kelly's


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