Click on image for Free Demo Download

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Debunking the Holidays

Here we are yet again, barreling uncontrollably into the holiday season. Fuuuuck. In my eyes there is no glee, no joy, and especially no mirth. Just loud, crowded, Dawn-of-the-Dead malls, bumper-to-bumper traffic and lame white guy jazz renditions of your favorite contemporary holiday classics. Yuck! The holiday season does nothing but remind me of how uncomfortable I am with the rest of humanity.
Photo Credit: Jasmin Tzerelshtein
Picking out gifts can be quite stressful, especially if you are buying for your girlfriend. It’s because you know that in the back of your mind if you get your chick the wrong present you might not get laid until Easter. What do girls like anyways? They are so complicated. Now a man, that’s easy. Here’s a hint for you gals: Need a great gift idea for your man? Blow him. That’s right, give the old Scrooge a bah humjob! Right under the tree. And then leave him the fuck alone! It’s cheaper than a sweater and he will thank you for it later. Where do you think the term “ho ho ho” came from anyways? Jesus? WRONG! BLOW HIM! Unwrap his package and don’t forget to jingle his balls.

Photo Credit: Jasmin Tzerelshtein 

And then there are the Jews. Half of my band are Jewish and come from families that celebrate Hanukkah. I have witnessed this phenomenon from afar since we were kids but I never really understood it. “What do tiny hats, spinning tops and lighting candles have to do with the almighty?” I asked myself. So being the cultured gent that I am, I Wikipedia’d that shit. Apparently, it is an 8-day holiday commemorating the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem after a successful revolt against the Seleucid monarchy in the Second Century.

I stumbled across the website (yeah, it exists) and apparently the tiny hats are actually called Yarmulkes or Kippot, and are worn to protect Jewish heads from the glorious light of god. Apparently the light of god is more intense and harmful than any tanning bed or UV ray imaginable and they have not yet invented holy-SPF 50 or larger hats.

As for the Jewish spinning top or Dredle: give them a break, they didn’t have Xbox in the second century, faggots.

And the craziest Jewish custom of all, the Menorah: Commemorating the time when the Jews found only enough ritually pure olive oil to light the menorah for one day, but the supply lasted eight days until a new supply could be obtained. I don’t mean to be racist, but does it surprise anyone else that this Jewish holiday seems to be based loosely around fuel economy!?
Photo Credit: Jasmin Tzerelshtein
 OY VEY! This world is full of so many different cultures and different people. It’s hard to find common ground in the confusion of the holidays. But at least at the end of the month we all have a similar experience, don’t we? New years. We all seem to get up to the same shit no matter what the culture. We spend new years eve binge drinking and promising to do more sit ups, and spend new years day hungover in sweat pants and severe discomfort.

However you decide to spend the holidays, try to make time for yourself and the people that you care about. Eat a good meal, spend time with friends and family, and enjoy yourself (masturbate)!

Happy holidays!
From Spence and the rest of Fatality!

Drop by our facebook page for a few more holiday photos, and check out our merch store for some holiday deals on our shwag

Merch Store:
Holiday Photos:

Photo Credit: Jasmin Tzerelshtein

Photo credits: Jasmin Tzerelshtein


  1. Hahah I always knew a good ol bj was the best gift we could give ;) Happy Holidays dudes! I'll drink one for ya! (Great litte read to, Thumbs up! )

  2. Happy Birthday Jesus!

  3. Heather, of Mason and that tall bitch that follows him around23 December 2011 at 00:58

    haaaaaaaa, spin you crack me the fuck up! I'll see ya boxing day

  4. Merry xmass nice pic :)

  5. Bjs Hjs Zjs we're down for em all.