Western Annihilation Days 17-22: I wish they all could be California girls

Suarez feeding a bird McDonald's in San Francisco

Well folks, here I am on our last week of the tour. I haven’t been writing as much as I would like to but this tour we have been so god damn busy. Compared to the first tour this one has been absolutely gruelling. Long drives and strange shitty sleep have sometimes made the process mind numbing. Every day I start to feel more and more like Tom Hanks in Castaway. I have been growing awful facial hair, been talking to inanimate objects and contemplating hanging myself on a cliff.

Stupid Suarez...

Last we spoke we were headed to Medford to play a cool venue called Johnny B’s. It's one of those greaser bars where it seems all the staff and bar patrons have those Jimmy Neutron wind tunnel tested elvis hair dews. Rockabilly tunes played over the PA’s and the walls were covered with pictures of Hank Williams and Elvis Presly. The show went pretty well for a Monday night. One thing that really stands out about this gig was that business was super slow at the beginning of the set. So I started playing in the window and dancing for people walking by on the streets. And to everyones surprise (including me) it actually worked. Some girls actually started piling into the bar.

A big thank you goes to Jym Harris and his wonderful family for making us feel at home at their house, and helping with the show.

Hanging out in Golden Gate park

The next day we were California bound. Heading to Dan Souza from Zombie Holocaust's house. His place is in Oakland. We were greeted with respect as soon as we got there. The rest of the guys from the band were at the house chilling and we hit it off immedietly. We decided to just hang out in his backyard, have a nice big fire and BeerBQ. The next day me and the Fatality crew headed to San Francisco for the day. We checked out Haight Ashbury which is the go-to downtown location. We had lunch in the park and were deciding what to do with our night off. We knew we were to attend a Zombie Holocaust jam session so we had a few hours to kill. Adam had the genius idea to walk to the ocean. It turned out to be waaaaaaay farther then we thought. I’m talking 3 hours of heal-toe-heal-toe. And the worst part of the whole thing is I knew that ultimately we were headed to nothing that exciting. Can you imagine walking 3 hours knowing that your destination is a giant pond? I bet Ted Bundy had more optimism while walking to the electric chair. “But you have never seen the ocean, It is amazing!” We got there… It was exactly as I had envisioned it. Large and Wet.

After that blunder we went to the Zombie Holocaust jam space and partied hard. My favorite part of the night was having a 15 minute funk jam that evolved into an epic version of Born to be Wild with our new buddies in ZH.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

The next night we kidnapped Dan and brought him with us to Fullerton because we had a gig with an awesome band called Witchaven. We were playing at an all ages venue called the Riff Haus. California audiences are the coolest in the world. Since we have been here, we have been received very well. And the dudes in Witchaven are some of the coolest dudes we have met on this journey. We were also proud that guys from Exmortus and Bonded by Blood came and hung out with us. We ended up staying with Mauro from Bonded.

The next night we had a gig at this great venue called the Burnt Ramen. I think it is most famous for being the place where the Dead Kennedys used to cut their teeth in the early years. This was perhaps one of the coolest DIY venues I have ever been to. First of all, it is in the worst part of the bay area... Richmond, CA. It is in a part of town that is separated at all sides by railroads. When they refer to “the wrong side of the tracks” they are probably referring to the Burnt Ramen. As we were pulling onto the street that it was on we found a deceased dog in the middle of the road that no one seemed to notice. We unloaded our gear in between a giant pile of putrid garbage and a huge pile of dog shit. At one point someone accidentally dropped Adams amp into the dog dirt. And I must say, I was secretly delighted. 
 

THE OCEAN!!!!!

The venue was an absolute dump. Graffiti everywhere, stinky homeless guy couches and a half pipe in the back room. The coolest part was a top secret bar that is located behind a hidden wall that is not visible when it is closed. Once inside it is actually a really nice bar. Nice carpet, a pool table and a bar with cheap home brewed alcohol. It was really amazing. The interesting thing about this venue is that a bunch of young punk rockers live in squalor in the venue. I got to chatting with one of the fellas who lived there. I asked if when he was a kid he ever thought that he would be living in a place with a live venue, a skate park and a cheap bar. He's livin’ the dream, son!

Cigar on the beach

The Burnt Ramen show was my favorite show of the tour so far. The crowd was absolutely terrific and were tearing shit up the entire set. From our first song we had kids moshing and dancing all over the place. We were passing out beer bongs left right and centre, smoking doobies on stage and crushing beers like maniacs. Apparently we got lucky and got a shout out to our show the biggest FM rock station in the Bay Area the day of our show. We crushed, man, it felt real good. And I guarantee I had the most fun out of everyone there.

After the show 20 of us headed to an all night diner and got into all kinds of trouble.

Pacific Ocean

Our gig the next day (saturday) was moved to the same venue we played at on Thursday the Riff Haus. I didn't mind because we were playing with exmortus and Bonded by Blood. 2 of the best up and coming metal bands in California. Both bands are going to hit the big time, I'm sure of it. Especially after seeing them on saturday. Shit son, these players make me want to drown myself in the name of incompetence.

Love you,

Spencer LeVon

How did we get to Lebanon?!

Jamming with Zombie Holocaust

California

Didn't those guys burn "the place" down?

Amoeba Music in San Francisco

Witchaven in OC!!

Set list from the Burn

Western Annihilation Days 15-16: 2-Bit Madness

“Hey baby, I hear the blues a callin’, tossed salad and scrambled eggs.” – The intro to Frasier

Fatality set at the 2-bit Saloon

Our first American show was in Seattle at an awesome dive named the 2-bit Saloon. It was a western themed bar in downtown. The kind of place where you can almost smell the blood and vomit on the walls from the night before. It was a great room. There was a bar on one side of a wall and an awesome stage and dance floor in the next room. It is amazing how courteous everyone has been to us as soon as we got into the States. We met up with Zack from Skelator who booked the show. As soon as we arrived he had pizza and beer waiting for us. So we sat in the van and shot the shit and ate a ton. Skeletor was the first band up. American metal bands truly rule. Each one of them seems very professional and well rehearsed.

Canadian pizza in Seattle! EH!

After those dudes we got up on stage. The first thing I noticed was 2 signs on either sides of the stage that said in big letters “BANDS MUST NOT DRINK WHILE ON STAGE. IT’S THE LAW.” It was a pretty hip bar so at first I thought it was satirical. You know, like when you see a fella with a shirt that says “pants” on it. What the hell is that all about, anyways? I continued to read the rest of it, and it explained that in the state of Washington it is actually against the law to drink while working, and because we are being paid by the venue, we couldn’t drink either. What kind of boring shit soccer mom came up with this crummy law? I guarantee it all started with a snooty letter.

“Dear 2 Bit Saloon. Last Wednesday I took my niece Sandy-Sue out in our fair Seattle and decided to see the group Ronnie Rollback and the Texas Rimjobs, and was devastated to find out that the singer appeared to be intoxicated and he also used the C word gratuitously. We were in the market for family entertainment and what we got is Bologna! I would like my 5 dollars refunded as well as the money that I spent on 2 virgin banana-ramma daqueries. I am miffed to put it bluntly. (excuse my language).

Sincerely,

Boring White Lady”

Seattle's famous "Space Needle"

Yes lady. He was drunk. He isn’t a brain surgeon, he wasn’t operating heavy machinery, He was playing a Saloon on a Wednesday for a bunch of other drunks. The mediocrity that we as a society put up with is astounding. Normally I am not a political person, because I don’t feel my way of life is too compromised for the most part. I don’t think I have enough money or property to be too pissed off at this point in my life. But I got to say I was a bit irritated even though I still drank a few on stage that night. Its not like I was planning on getting black out drunk, but I do enjoy having a few beers while I’m performing because it goes good with heavy metal. Plus, I am an adult and should decide when I am being appropriate or not. And if it is family entertainment you are after, why don’t you go see a hypnotist you boring big-titted baboon?

It seems like in our culture the people who get their voices heard are the people who I don’t connect with in the least.

Self-explanatory..

The show went amazing and we seemed to really connect. I feel like I am finally coming into myself as a front man. Nothing gives me the heebie-jeebies more then a band who just stares at each other in between songs. There is an awkward feeling that you can almost hold onto. So I always stress a live show that is laid back, impulsive, engaging and completely chaotic, but I still always want to be in control of the presentation and situation.

Eytan and Suarez in front of Kelly's in Portland

Portland last night was kick ass. We played with 3 stellar local acts at a place called Kelly’s Olympian, which is a great rock bar with a crazy history. Its one of those good old bars that has been around since the late 1800s that used to be a hooch parlor during the prohibition. The kind of place where men would go, get there shoes shined, get black out drunk on bootlegged booze and exclude women from voting.

I am all for equal rights but we had things pretty good back that, am I right fellas? Other than the wide spread poverty and possible death by the hand of the common cold. And what did people masturbate to back then? Think about it. We may be able to get access to whatever porn we could ever imagine with the click of a mouse, but just 30 years ago people would either find porn in the fucking forest somehow, or shamelessly wank to national geographic Ethiopian pancake boob. Furthermore, do you think that cavemen used to pull their garbage to naked lady drawings on the wall of a cave? I think you can monitor how technology is progressing by how easy it is to access pornography, you know?

Excruciator breakfast!

Portland was a great gig. I was really hyped that Phil Zeller from Toxic Holocaust and Rammer came and checked us out. He is apparently an old Toronto boy but moved to Portland. We had a great time in Portland with the guys from Excruciator too. They let us stay at their apartment. They also bought us some cereal and some orange juice for breakfast and let us hang out even though they all had to go to work in the morning. Class act. The kindness of American metal bands is just astounding.

God bless America!

-Spencer LeVon

Skelator at the 2-bit

Inside Kelly's

Excruciator!!!

Western Annihilation Days 11-14: Kamlooped

Suarez at Lake Louise

Where do pubs get their names? The frog and the firkin, the fox and the fiddle. Do pub owners just meet at a community centre and draw a name from the animal hat, and then one from the inanimate object hat? “Look Fred I’ve got the Aardvark and the Spatula.”  “Wowie Ted, I got the Ant eater and the Peanut butter lid.” Last night we killed at a bar called the Funky Winkerbeans. And gotta say, had a blast. I will tell you about that in just a bit. Where was I?

Krazy Karla, Eytan and some dudes from the Gallows

 Ahh yes: Jasper. I loved the drive to Jasper almost as much as I enjoyed rockin the god damn house with my best friends. Jasper is a small town surrounded by the most beautiful mountains. We arrived and were to meet up with the promoter who had the apt moniker: Krazy Karla. What a character. She had bright green contact lenses for that David Bowie look and was covered in metal tattoos. She took us to a local pizza place for some food and then we went to the venue called The Horseshoe. At this point I recall falling asleep in the van like the Fuddy Duddy that I am. When I awoke, it was time to perform. The room was pretty full for a Monday night in a small town. We started strong and I opened with a good joke. “I know what you are thinking… ‘I didn’t know the singer of Great Big Sea had a thrash band.’” And that broke up the room, even though it was a bit hacky. The set went great and we had a blast. The show did so well that the venue paid for a hotel down the street. We didn’t trash it. In fact we had a few beers, listened to some Ozzy and went to sleep. Motley Crew lied to us. They told us that the life of a metal musician was all about doing blow and getting blown. Can a band even have a cigarette backstage anymore without getting fined?

A drinking game we made up while camping... (Balls)

The next day we stocked up on some groceries and drove toward Kamloops and found a campsite. It was shitty and raining so they gave us this awesome site with a huge canopy over it surrounded by fuckin Mountains. Right next to an outdoor kitchen with a fridge, dinner table, cable TV and cooking appliances. We hung out all day, went swimming, and had the camping experience. That night we got drunk and had a huge frankfurter roast. We awoke exited because we had a gig with world-renowned punk band SNFU. We love playing with punk bands because punk was where we started.  When we were 14 we started playing at grimy punk venues because we weren’t quite good enough on our instruments to play with the metal bands. We used to play weekends at the Q bar in Toronto for a handful of drunken natives. We arrived to the venue starving so we went to the market and got materials to make a nice pasta. Rich spent hours on it and cut his thumb open in the process. I went into the venue and realized that it was 15-cent wing night. So without hesitation I bought 20 wings for about 3 bucks and punished my digestive system for no reason whatsoever. Why couldn’t I have just eaten some pasta like a gentleman? I bought a bottle of red wine to go with it and everything. The show went well and SNFU were absolutely crushing. Everyone in Kamloops loved them and showed it. We got along with the guys really well too. I respect the hell out of them. They have been there and done that. But they still find time to do some touring and have a damn good time.

Mr. Chi Pig from SNFU

We drove all night through pitch black to our buddy Brayden from Unleash the Archers house. We slept all day, woke up and headed downtown. We filled up a few slushies with some booze and headed to the ocean. We were looking for the Wall of Sea which is apparently a must see in Vancouver. We followed a map and started looking for it. At one point I remember standing there with the guys half loaded trying to figure out where the fucking Wall of sea was. Little did we know we were standing right on it the entire time. After that we went to a rock bar and got a few brews. The next day we headed to the venue to scope er out. The venue was on Hastings Street which is a notoriously bad neighborhood in Vancouver. The singer of SNFU told us, “Be careful on Hastings, there are some strange people over there.” And this was coming from a 50-year-old Asian ex-meth addict punk singer with pink pig ears on his head.

Fatality at the Sea Wall with Brayden from UTA

God he was right. I have never seen so many homeless people in one spot. In certain alleys there were like 60 crank addicts just milling around on crank. We pulled into the sketchiest parking lot of all time. There were used AIDS needles and crack pipes all around. I really felt strange about parking there, but there was no other place to park. As soon as we left, some crack head threw strawberry yogurt all over our van and trailer. What the fuck? When have you ever seen a homeless guy with a fuckin yogurt, anyway? Did this guy actually raise money all day in the sun, walk to the grocery store, and buy some fuckin Activia just to drench our vehicle? Did our slight inconvenience mean more to this bum then basic survival? Amazing. Well played bum... well played.

City of Vancouver

The venue was fuggin packed. We also had a perfect set time. We all went up with our stunners set to kill. And we did just that. We played a crushing set and bopped all over the place. After the set we were all feeling pretty confidant and hung out with the locals. The cool thing is, I think a lot of people thought that we were rock stars or something. Everyone was really jazzed to meet us and took lots of pictures with us and the whole 9. That isn’t good for my ego. Just wait 5 years till I am spotted being belligerent at a Denny’s in Portland screaming. “Don’t you know who I am?”

Spencer in mid-cartwheel!!

 We just crossed the border into the United States of Amurica and are currently headed for Seattle. Crossing was pretty painless. We were there for about a half hour but still managed to hear 2 Amy Winehouse jokes from the Homeland Security Guards. I always get a little nervous crossing the border because when you enter the building there is a plaque that basically says that the officers can do pretty much whatever the fuck they want to you, for however long they want. And if you do anything to interfere, you will be imprisoned. So if they wanted to look in your butt for drugs, and you said, “wait a second, No. I am a god damn human being.” They can take you and put you into a smaller room with a bunch of other felons who will gladly look in your bum every hour on the hour. Politics are weird

- Speen

Suarez doesn't know... but he's at the wall of Sea!!

Alberta MIGHTY MOUNTAINS

Sunset in Vancouver on the coast

Lake Louise near Banff

SNFU in Kamloops at the Pogue Mahone

Eytan conquering the mountains

On our way to Jasper from Calgary!!

Eytan hanging off a waterfall like 2000 feet high

Mighty Mountain pose

Jasper show poster

Beautiful waterfall just off the highway

Phallic marshmallow roast

Fatality set in Jasper

Golfing on the lake at the campground

Western Annihilation Days 9-10: Calgary Babealgary

Interview with Extreme Metal TV in Calgary

I write this for you today in a state of tiredness and confusion. Jesus, it’s the senior prom all over again. Here I am in Calgary. Just had an amazing time last night at Lord Nelson's. Calgary is so far the most beautiful place we have visited. I don’t know why, but this city resonates with me. We got to the venue a little early to do an interview, so I had a little time to myself to explore. I hopped on my bike and started into unknown territory. I went down a random street and ended up in the bar district. Shit was bumping because it is the Calgary stampede this week. I still don’t really know what the fuck the stampede is. But one things for sure, every single human in Calgary had perfect DNA and a cowboy hat. It was a strange experience to say the least. There were perfect 10 models and celebrities everywhere. I even saw the actor that plays Vince from Entourage. You know that feeling when you are almost certain that everyone within a 100 Kilometer radius is better looking than you? Doesn’t it make you feel like a loser? It really affirms the fact that I am a pile of genetic debris.

Planting our asses right on the foot massagers.. haha

At one point on my bike ride I came across 4 girls who were physically perfect getting into a cab. I was biking the same way as them and was driving parallel for about a minute. As they were turning off the street I was on, I heard one of the models say something negative about me to her friends, then she waved at me and smiled shitilly. And for once in my life, I had nothing to say. No retort. Why would a woman like that treat me with respect? There I was, unshaven, with cut off shorts, a stupid shirt that says, “Gone Fishin’” and a filthy bandana with weed leaves on it. I really looked like a vagina with eyes. I could have legally changed my name to Axl Grose. And the funny thing is if they actually got to know me there is a chance they would hate me even more! What do I have to offer chicks like that? They were probably on their way to an awesome loft to have sex with basketball players, and at that time I probably appeared sticky to the touch.

 

World Class White Trash

The show was friggin awesome. This would be the last we saw of the bands Without Mercy and Until Dawn; we also made friends with the local bands We Found the Body and World Class White Trash. All the bands got hammered. I stayed sober because I needed to drive, but I still enjoyed myself very much.

Doughnut Burger... WTF!

Tonight we are headed downtown to the last night of the Calgary Stampede. I plan on getting dressed up, having some drinks and dancing all night to shitty country music.

Wish me luck, friends.

-Speener

 

Group shot with Eytan's cousin Paula