Towards Disastour Blog Vol. 2.5: Sleepless in Greenfield

Last night I had the shittiest sleep of all time. We were put up by Brian from American thrash band Lich King in a small town called Greenfield, MA. He lives on a beautiful property at the end of a long, skinny and winding forest road. We headed there after our set in Florence Mass for some much needed shut eye. When we got there Brian gave us a tour of his basement, which turned out to be an awesome recording studio. I would normally be all too enthusiastic to be hanging out with all of this great recording equipment and great company, but I was just too damn exhausted to hang out. Instead of being a polite guest, while everyone was preoccupied I meticulously and connivingly scoped out a place to sleep. “Forget these chumps I am traveling with; I'm looking out for numero uno. Self-interest is the name of the game, baby,” I selfishly grunted to myself. As the band was getting the grand tour and being polite, I took off in a flash in search of a soft surface to rest my weary head.

I came across a large room I can only describe as a utopia of sleeping apparatuses: couches and bunk beds galore. I had my first pick of all of them. I believe I started laughing maniacally before doing a quick test sample of all of them with my fatigued fanny. Until I found it: the top bunk of the bunk bed. I could not resist its charm. There is something about the top bunk that has always been sacred. It has been fought for and coveted through the ages in school-aged sleepovers since the invention of the stackable bed. I love everything about the top bunk. Especially that intrepid and gallant feeling you get as you pitter-patter up the silly little ladder. I scaled that fuckin' dumb ladder in 2 and a half seconds and descended into sweet, sweet comfort and relaxation.

Enter Adam Zlotnik

I will say this right now. Sleeping on a bunk bed above Adam Zlotnik is like trying to slow dance with an epileptic at a rave. It’s fucked. He immediately hopped in the bottom bunk and made a phone call to my complete sorrow and disappointment. Once the phone call was complete, he began tossing and turning like a listless trout washed up on the beach of fuck-it. Once he got settled he would go “AAAAH” like he had just drank a nice iced tea on a hot day. All the while I was wiggling about on the top bunk like an asshole whose only fault was being mind numbingly self-serving.

Then finally I approached rest. You know that warm and tender feeling you get as you slip away into sweet unconsciousness? It’s like a hug from your mother, and a pleasant bath all in one. I just started drifting… and drifting… and drif…

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I immediately become fully alert and filled with homicidal rage. I realize that it is Adam knocking in my bed from underneath me. “WHAT!?” I squeaked like I had just had a dream of road rage. “Is that you snoring?” he whispered. It was then that I look to the floor and find my brother and drummer: self-sufficient snoring Mason on an inflatable air mattress that he had the foresight to bring from home so that he would never have to sleep above a gentleman with the personality and likeability of a wet sock ever again. “NO IT’S MASON SNORING, AND NOW I HAVE A FRONT ROW SEAT FOR IT ASWELL YA PRICK!” “…sorry.”

I could have gotten back to sleep if my entire being wasn’t consumed by hate and irritability.

Should have taken the couch.

Spencer “Me first” LeVon

More tour photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/98333748@N04/

Tour podcast: http://www.fatality.podbean.com/

Towards Disastour Vol. 2: The Fourth of Jul-high

Greetings gang,

Spencer LeVon here whimsically gliding along the Massachusetts Turnpike with my brothers, drained, clumsy, and dumb while at the same time optimistic and ready for more. Last night was one of the crazier nights I have encountered while touring. We just left the Sonic Pulse headquarters, which is a house on a residential street in a town called Framingham. We performed at a rowdy house party for the 4^th of July and shit got out of control immediately. Let me get back to that later, because since last we spoke, we were barreling out of control towards the American border with a fear of having our cavities searched.

Crossing the border into Vermont was actually as quick and painless as I have ever encountered. With some luck, we got the only border official with a sense of humor in the history of travel. Imagine Foghorn Leghorn wearing rubber gloves. We had some playful banter with the guy, and the only slight snag was when our roadie Sean had to prove his American citizenship without having a US passport, during which time the border guard took the opportunity to shuffle a pair of handcuffs in his hand like poker chips. Despite this minor setback we were in and out in about 20 minutes, which was a real treat. I may have gotten a tad too comfortable when he said “That will be $24 for the 5 of ya, and you can be on your way.” “Make it $23 and you’ve got a deal,” I confidently barked back to the visible horror of my bandmates. Why the hell do I push my luck? We weren’t even in the country yet. He could and probably should have violated our bungholes out of sheer principle.

Our first gig in the states was in Portland. We played with one of my favorite bands Hessian and our new metal amigos Black Mass. We had an absolute blast and ended up staying and partying late with a dude we befriended last time we were in town named Kevin. He is an absolute lifer. A guy in his late 40’s with more energy and passion for heavy metal than anyone I have ever met. He thrilled us all night with his amazing music collection, notably a super rare tape of Van Halen from before they made their first album. A collection of demos as well as audio from Pasadena High School dances and sound checks when the VH boys were in their late teens. We loved those recordings so much that Kev gave us a copy.

The following day was Canada Day. We drove to our friend Matt Tomasz from Seax’s hideaway in a cabin on a river in a rural area of Maine. Apparently this was the river that the first priest was executed in during the Salem witch trials. When we got there it was raining, and no one was home. We let ourselves in and were greeted by 2 enormous dogs and some serenity. We spent the entire day resting, playing chess and listening to Zappa records while all of our friends back home were undoubtedly vomiting on each other in the name of the great nation of Canada. I slept for 16 hours.

The following night we performed in Worcester at a bar called Hotel Vernon. What a divine shithole that place is. It was a dive bar, but for all the right reasons. Free peanuts, a piano, pool table and $1 draft beers. The venue section of the bar looked as if it were the bowels of an old wooden sailing ship. It was a fitting, because after overzealously consuming $1 beers, everyone in the bar developed a severe case of wobbly sea legs. Also, after a full week of malnutrition, I think I may have the scurvy. I was very impressed by the great and many talents of Seax, Black Mass and Skull Hammer. AYE MATIES!

On to Providence, Rhode Island. We played at a very interesting Gothic style bar in an industrial area. The whole place was decked out in velvet and lit candle chandeliers. Mason said it best when he remarked that it looked like “Dracula’s living room.”

That leads us into the bizarre and outrageous night that I had mentioned in the first paragraph: the 4^th of July house party at the Sonic Pulse headquarters. The house was decked out with bands in the basement, depraved partying all throughout the house and a BBQ pool party in the back complete with women in bikinis having water gun fights and grown men in Speedos playing a good natured game of grab ass. Did I mention there was some of the more self-destructive daytime drinking I have ever witnessed? When we got to play our set we were all already blasted out of our minds. I had the distinct pleasure of wearing Dan Hammers headset microphone. I felt like Ted Nugent if he wasn’t a right wing lunatic, but instead a clumsy Canadian with too many day beers in his gut. What a night, man. We raged into the evening, until a group of us decided to go for a midnight dip in a nearby reservoir, coupled with a beautiful view of the stars in the Massachusetts night sky.

You need to see the pictures taken by our buddy and roadie extraordinaire: Sean DeCory, because they are absolutely wild. All of the photos are now available on our new Flickr account. Also, please check out the Fatality Podcast at www.fatality.podbean.com for more excerpts of goofy storytelling and camaraderie form the road. God, I love this life of mine. What makes it all the better is that I get to share it will all of my friends coast to coast and be inspired by their fire, and then share that same fire the next night with a whole roomful of likeminded others. Positivitiy, sisters and brothers.

I love you,

Spencer “That Ain't Decaf” LeVon

Wicked show review of our CD release party in Toronto: http://www.metalmasterkingdom.com/fatality-psychonaut-cd-release-party.html

More Tour Photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/98333748@N04/

Tour Podcast: http://www.fatality.podbean.com

Towards Disastour blog vol. 1: Que-heck

Hell yeah brothers and sisters! This is Spencer LeVon peck-pecking away as we roll towards the American border from Quebec.

Goddamn, Quebec roads stink. I swear, Quebec must be the pylon capital or the world, because the highway looks like an in-line skating course gone horribly wrong. A local told me that this is because the construction companies started repairing the roads all over the province, but then went halfway through the job went on strike in hopes of more money from the government. And although I would rather gouge out my left eye with an AIDS dick then navigate these godforsaken roads I must admit, that is a gangster-ass move.

We are currently on day 3 of our tour. It all started off in our hometown of Toronto on Friday night for our album launch of new record Psychonaut. What a night. Special thanks to Call of the Wild and Shotgun Cure for the support. Great night from start to finish. It was a real confidence booster playing to a packed house of friends and fans that have been keeping an eye on us from our humble beginnings in the metal scene, trying new things, experimenting and introspectively defining who we are as a group of unique individuals in this crazy-ass metal band. Toronto has for sure shaped who we are as people and as a band.  You can see it in our work ethic, our open minds towards people and experiences, and similarly in our eternal search for a unique identity that you must cultivate to survive in a city of 2.6 million. Thank you to everyone who came out and had a crazy night with us. The memories of that one night of bliss will act as positivity fodder for when I am inevitably playing to 5 indifferent strangers in town called “Fuckton” or “Weaselburg” on a Tuesday night in exchange for slightly-discounted mozzarella sticks.

Right now I am watching as my guitar player Eytan heroically takes a leak into a bottle as we faithfully maneuver the labyrinthine clusterfuck that is Quebec construction. It is these kinds of moments when I look deep into my own soul and softly whisper my newfound mantra: “I should have been a dentist. I should have been a dentist…”

Last night we played Piranha Bar in Montreal. What a truly amazing city Montreal is. 100% authentic and unique in every way. But I must ask, is everyone in Montreal a 10? Goodness, even the homeless look like Abercrombie models. I can see that diet being a big hit, the Montreal homeless diet. “Eat nothing but peach pits, pizza crusts, wine dregs and gutter-marinated smoked meat and have washboard abs in a month and a half.” We went up last night with no set list or idea of what we were going to play. That is fun to do every now and again. It helps us develop our onstage improvisation and musicianship to go by the seats of our collective pants. That kind of performance is conducive to spontaneity that I have always thought was a great device for compelling entertainment. Like a rollercoaster with no restraints. Apparently our friends Sam and Max got engaged to each other during our title track Psychonaut. That’s a first! I’m glad they waited until we were actually playing a song and I was finished talking about my penis.

As we continue rumbling towards the United States we have a nervous energy because we know we will be at the mercy of whomever we meet at the border. They have absolute power over us. They have the ability to cancel our whole trip, and potentially our music careers, and even more shocking, they have the unchecked authority to look in our bums. We are currently at our last gas stop before crossing over into the States and we are frantically cleaning the van, making sure we made no mistakes with our paper work and throwing out all of our plums and pears. Is that the biggest threat to national security? Fuckin' plum smugglers?  Are they looking to prevent crimes of Passionfruit?

I will be sure to let you know how it goes. Stay tuned for more blog entries and keep track of us on our brand new podcast entitled “The Fatality Backseat LeVoncast” to take a rare look into the conversations and adventures of a touring metal band as we do our darnedest to conquer the world with nothing but a mild headache, an unfortunate road diet and no sleep. You can search for it and subscribe to it on iTunes in the Podcast section, or you can find it at www.fatality.podbean.com. Did I mention that it’s free????

Wish us luck, dearest friends.

Spencer “what are you doing with that rubber glove!?” LeVon

P.S. We made it!

For tour and other photos shot by our roadie Sean DeCory visit our new Flickr page here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/98333748@N04/

Continue to follow us on Flickr to get the most up-to-date photos from the road being documented every single day.

Also, if you haven't yet, watch our new music video for Thoughts Collide:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YLN5I7NUGU

Fatality Album Launch Announcement and Fundraiser

Today is a big day.

As I sit here in Eytan and Adam’s backyard with the sun in the sky and Red Fang blasting on the stereo.. To my left I can hear the Spanish family next door screaming at eachother and eating lunch, and to my right I can hear the sounds of the rest of the band getting last-minute details ready before we start the sequence of the many huge announcements and projects that we have been painstakingly and diabolically creating for ourselves, setting up the thrash dominoes and lookin' forward to flickin' those fuckin' things and watchin' em tumble. With our collective fingers on the detonator we feel like a pack of war-ready Kim Jong Uns with slightly less baby fat.

So are ya ready for this fuckin’ plug fest? Grab yourself a bite to eat and a cold drink, I’ll wait here.

First of all, we have finished tracking our sophomore album entitled “Psychonaut,” and have the release date settled. Mark your calendars for June 28^th, as we will be having a massive CD release party and tour launch at Sneaky Dee’s with Shotgun Cure and Call of the Wild. I am absolutely beaming with pride with this album. You can expect increasingly more modern, mature sounds and lyrical content, married with that signature no-holds-barred Fatality vibe and attitude that we are known for. We also have a massive tour lined up in support.

Wait, shit, rewind, did I say tour???? By golly, I did. You can also look forward to a large-scale 70-day tour of Canada and the United States in support of the best recording work we have done to date. I can’t wait to spend my summer in a metal tube on wheels with my best friends making this bizarre dream come true. Take a look at our tour dates and see if we are playing in a town near you, because we would love to see you, and have a drink, joke around and kick each other in the nuts, or whatever it is that dudes do. Having the opportunity to play all this new music in front of a new crowd every night is daunting but ultimately rewarding. It’s like the movie Groundhog Day, except we’re seeking the love of a roomful of random drunks rather than trying to fuck Andie MacDowell.

We have also filmed a professional music video with Bleeding Heart Productions for our single “Thoughts Collide”. We don’t have a release date just yet, but keep your eyes peeled for that video, because it is gonna change your fucking life.

Now, here is what you can do to get involved and be a part of this wild venture of ours. We have created an Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign and a sweet video that explains exactly what we are doing and how you can help. Basically, as an independent band, the main thing that we lack is proper funding. So what we are doing is creating a way for you to support us by pre-ordering the album, or pitching in a few bucks to receive really cool perks, including: merch bundles, a recording of a love song written by me, music lessons by any member of the band, and entrance to the exclusive listening party and video launch. 

So please, check out the video and contribute a few bucks to keep us on this righteous journey of ours.

I am sure that I will continue writing some blog entries on our travels, but now that I have my brother Mason LeVon on tour with us, we have decided to record a Podcast entitled “the Fatality Backseat LeVoncast” as a vehicle to chronicle our travels, tell stories, dick jokes, and recount our failures and victories. I am so happy to have this outlet because it will give the world a look into the scope of a touring metal band and the conversations, personalities, trials and tribulations that make up this very unique and entertaining scenario. You can search for it on iTunes, or check it out at www.fatality.podbean.com and at the bottom of this post.

Get some sleep,

Spencer “the Southern Dandy” LeVon

Podcast Powered By Podbean

TOUR EVENT PAGE:

https://www.facebook.com/events/163831077118892/163859853782681/?notif_t=like

CD RELEASE PARTY (Toronto) Recently Announced:
https://www.facebook.com/events/471913329544232/?fref=ts

Other Links:

http://igg.me/at/fatality

http://fatality.ca

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7cti1up5zY&feature=youtu.be

http://fatalitymerch.bigcartel.com
http://fatality.bandcamp.com
http://www.youtube.com/user/Fatalitythrashers